12 monk "trainees" were ready for their "graduation". Before they are allowed to be ordained to the temple, they must first pass a test to ensure that they can truly become monks.
The test requires the monk trainees to lie naked on the floor, with a bell hung around their dicks. Yes, dick is penis. When all the monk trainees are ready, a stripper came out, took off all her clothes and started dancing in front of them.
When she danced pass the 1st monk, nothing happened. 1st monk OK... Nothing happened too when she danced pass the 2nd monk. 2nd monk OK... 3rd monk OK... and so on, but when she danced pass the 12th monk, the bell started ringing VERY loudly, and then the bell with the string flew into the air (omg what a strong dick).
Feeling embarassed, the 12th monk stood up and went to pick up his bell. The moment he bent down to pick it up, ALL the other 11 bells started ringing (ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring) and then shot into the air...
Now we know why monks became monks...
Friday, May 8, 2009
help me i am suffering from amnesia
Damn i've planned beforehand what to write about for at least 4 posts but i forgot the other 2 and only remembered about the summer camp. I shall post about my summer camp experience in the next post but before that, allow me to entertain u with some pics which i found humorous from failblog.org.
update time
Over the course of this "blog-dormant" duration, several significant events have happened to me. Events which some has left a deep impact on me while others as a great memory. I shall start with the first one.
On one fine beginning of thursday, 4 of us (Joel Monkey Yat Seng and Moi) were cycling around in the park. The cycling session was a much needed one to clear our heads after struggling through revising for the chemistry test on the day itself. Joel and the great monkey were playing with the BMX bike while yat seng and i were chatting while cycling and enjoying the stunts both of them are pulling off.
The monkey and Joel decided to get a little "speedy", so they decided to cycle downhill at maximum speed, that is without brakes. As they were about to cross a huge bump, i remember vividly that the monkey shouted "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BUUUUUUMP!". The monkey was the driver of the BMX while Joel was the passenger. Right after they crossed the bump, they lost balance and collapsed.
Initially i thought it was nothing serious but Yat Seng and I rushed to help anyway. To my surprise, the monkey was bleeding badly all over especially on his forehead, with his specs damaged as though is was scratched by wolverine. All of the sudden, the active monkey was rendered inactive..??
Anyway, we carried him to the closest student house which is 142, and he washed his wounds. Yat Seng rushed to call Ming Chai from 71 while the others stayed to help cater to the monkey's needs. Initially the monkey was wide awake but in a minute's time he started to feel dizzy and was losing consciousness. Then his eyes started to look around in circles and his mind started to wander aimlessly.
Something urgent needs to be done. And there I was, feeling so helpless, not knowing what to do, only being able to give words of encouragement "sing yong, stay with me, dun fall asleep". It was obvious those words didnt really help. As i held the upper half of his body, he said to me "Gary, i cant see..." I felt even more helpless.
Thankfully, Ming Chai came to the rescue (hes a member of the Red Cresent Society). Immediately, he set the monkey lying down on the floor while lifting his legs, to improve blood circulation to his head. Joel brought his car (thank God he wasnt injured) and we sent the monkey to the hospital.
I remember those days when our school teachers kept on pestering us to join the co-curriculum activities. Yes, i was a member of the Red Cresent Society. But i was inactive. I never attended any of those sessions where they thought us how to CPRs, mend a wound, or what and what not to do while an injured person is on the verge of going into a blackout. These skills, which are so useful at times, which I can learn for free, was never appreciated by me. If only I knew what to do to help the monkey during that time, if only i attended those valuable yet ignored lessons with the PBSM, i wouldnt feel so helpless and guilty at that time. Maybe if i knew you were supposed to let him lie down and i did that immediately, he wouldnt have gone into sub-consciousness for 15 minutes.
That day marked a milestone in my life. From that day on, i realised how important it is to appreciate things aorund me and will try my best not to take things for granted.
On one fine beginning of thursday, 4 of us (Joel Monkey Yat Seng and Moi) were cycling around in the park. The cycling session was a much needed one to clear our heads after struggling through revising for the chemistry test on the day itself. Joel and the great monkey were playing with the BMX bike while yat seng and i were chatting while cycling and enjoying the stunts both of them are pulling off.
The monkey and Joel decided to get a little "speedy", so they decided to cycle downhill at maximum speed, that is without brakes. As they were about to cross a huge bump, i remember vividly that the monkey shouted "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BUUUUUUMP!". The monkey was the driver of the BMX while Joel was the passenger. Right after they crossed the bump, they lost balance and collapsed.
Initially i thought it was nothing serious but Yat Seng and I rushed to help anyway. To my surprise, the monkey was bleeding badly all over especially on his forehead, with his specs damaged as though is was scratched by wolverine. All of the sudden, the active monkey was rendered inactive..??
Anyway, we carried him to the closest student house which is 142, and he washed his wounds. Yat Seng rushed to call Ming Chai from 71 while the others stayed to help cater to the monkey's needs. Initially the monkey was wide awake but in a minute's time he started to feel dizzy and was losing consciousness. Then his eyes started to look around in circles and his mind started to wander aimlessly.
Something urgent needs to be done. And there I was, feeling so helpless, not knowing what to do, only being able to give words of encouragement "sing yong, stay with me, dun fall asleep". It was obvious those words didnt really help. As i held the upper half of his body, he said to me "Gary, i cant see..." I felt even more helpless.
Thankfully, Ming Chai came to the rescue (hes a member of the Red Cresent Society). Immediately, he set the monkey lying down on the floor while lifting his legs, to improve blood circulation to his head. Joel brought his car (thank God he wasnt injured) and we sent the monkey to the hospital.
I remember those days when our school teachers kept on pestering us to join the co-curriculum activities. Yes, i was a member of the Red Cresent Society. But i was inactive. I never attended any of those sessions where they thought us how to CPRs, mend a wound, or what and what not to do while an injured person is on the verge of going into a blackout. These skills, which are so useful at times, which I can learn for free, was never appreciated by me. If only I knew what to do to help the monkey during that time, if only i attended those valuable yet ignored lessons with the PBSM, i wouldnt feel so helpless and guilty at that time. Maybe if i knew you were supposed to let him lie down and i did that immediately, he wouldnt have gone into sub-consciousness for 15 minutes.
That day marked a milestone in my life. From that day on, i realised how important it is to appreciate things aorund me and will try my best not to take things for granted.
Friday, April 3, 2009
words of wisdom
By George Carlin (deceased) - a comedian in the 70's and 80's wrote this masterpiece
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, buy enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge but less judgement, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
There are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, buy enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge but less judgement, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
There are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
31/3
The 31st of every month is a great day for ice cream lovers like Wei Khang and Qiran, as Baskin Robbins is 31% off that day.
On 31st, i played basketball till 830 (a tiring 3.5 hr session). I went back home and got ready and it was not until 915 before i managed to reach OU for my dinner. I met Mr Lawlipop there. He was buying batteries for his graphic calculator for the calculus test on the following day.
Lollipop told me he was in a dilemma on whether to buy BR or to visit the cinemas during the weekend. I asked him why cant you have both, and as usual, he said "too expensive".
As we were walking back to the bicycle carpark we passed by the BR shop. The queue was "quite long" but since i really wanted to buy some delicious Br for my mother, i queued anyway. Initially lollipop wanted to buy too so he queued with me. After about less than a minute, he disappeared out of my sight.
5 minutes later, he changed his mind and decided to buy some and relish it during the weekend. We had a good time chatting while waiting for the queue and after about 0.5 hrs of waiting, we managed to head back to our student houses with a pint of BR each (same flavour too).
I recall telling him that although its a good habit to save for a rainy day, its not good to oversave as dieing rich is pointless. Till this day, i still have no idea whether my statement had any influence on his decision.
On 31st, i played basketball till 830 (a tiring 3.5 hr session). I went back home and got ready and it was not until 915 before i managed to reach OU for my dinner. I met Mr Lawlipop there. He was buying batteries for his graphic calculator for the calculus test on the following day.
Lollipop told me he was in a dilemma on whether to buy BR or to visit the cinemas during the weekend. I asked him why cant you have both, and as usual, he said "too expensive".
As we were walking back to the bicycle carpark we passed by the BR shop. The queue was "quite long" but since i really wanted to buy some delicious Br for my mother, i queued anyway. Initially lollipop wanted to buy too so he queued with me. After about less than a minute, he disappeared out of my sight.
5 minutes later, he changed his mind and decided to buy some and relish it during the weekend. We had a good time chatting while waiting for the queue and after about 0.5 hrs of waiting, we managed to head back to our student houses with a pint of BR each (same flavour too).
I recall telling him that although its a good habit to save for a rainy day, its not good to oversave as dieing rich is pointless. Till this day, i still have no idea whether my statement had any influence on his decision.
1/4
April Fool... The Atheists' holiday. The day i was fooled, twice in a roll.
Before 2, i was waiting outside the physics lab as Ms Say wasn't there yet. So i placed the spider Ms Chan lent me on my file, and went to the library to get some cool air. And when i came back, poof! The spider "vanished" into thin air. So i started looking for it, but the search came to no avail. Then i started asking everyone but this was futile too. Damn, where could it be? I really didn't wan to lose it because Ms Chan mentioned that she uses this spider every year to fool her students so i understood that this must be her prized possession. After finishing the physics experiment, i started looking for it again. Then, a joker sent me a message saying he/she (classified) saw it on Ms Chan's table.
So i went to the staffroom, and noticed Ms Chan was not at her table. When i searched her table for the spider, it wasn't there. Then Ms effa told me she saw 2 jokers leaving the spider on the table. At the same moment, Ms Chan came back and she seemed upset after knowing i lost her spider. She also mentioned if the spider is really lost, i would hav to buy her a new one at Toys'r'us (dunno how to spell). Then i called the joker who sent me the message and he/she admitted that he/she left the spider on Ms Chan's table, but thats all he knew. Feeling strange, i went back inside the staffroom and...
Ms Chan held the "spider" in her hands and said, April Fool gary.
Before 2, i was waiting outside the physics lab as Ms Say wasn't there yet. So i placed the spider Ms Chan lent me on my file, and went to the library to get some cool air. And when i came back, poof! The spider "vanished" into thin air. So i started looking for it, but the search came to no avail. Then i started asking everyone but this was futile too. Damn, where could it be? I really didn't wan to lose it because Ms Chan mentioned that she uses this spider every year to fool her students so i understood that this must be her prized possession. After finishing the physics experiment, i started looking for it again. Then, a joker sent me a message saying he/she (classified) saw it on Ms Chan's table.
So i went to the staffroom, and noticed Ms Chan was not at her table. When i searched her table for the spider, it wasn't there. Then Ms effa told me she saw 2 jokers leaving the spider on the table. At the same moment, Ms Chan came back and she seemed upset after knowing i lost her spider. She also mentioned if the spider is really lost, i would hav to buy her a new one at Toys'r'us (dunno how to spell). Then i called the joker who sent me the message and he/she admitted that he/she left the spider on Ms Chan's table, but thats all he knew. Feeling strange, i went back inside the staffroom and...
Ms Chan held the "spider" in her hands and said, April Fool gary.
2/4
I woke up earlier than usual to finish revising calculus. And as usual, Raymond the great lover of Yen Ling is already awake. So i did my daily morning routine (shower brush eat) and studied a bit of calculus, before waiting for the inconsistent van with inconsistent drivers at 8.10 a.m. (yeah i know thats early but dont wanna risk missing the van).
Then comes calculus test. As i was walking with Mr Lee to the classroom, i asked him how would the students fare in this test. He replied "Ok (as in his usual "OK"), maybe the average would be around 70." So i assumed the test to be tough, but it turned out to be easier than expected (not to boast or anything), as initially i thought Mr Lee would have set the test to par with the difficulty of the TEE exams standard. HOWEVER, i realised i made careless mistakeS not long after the test was over.
I stayed back in college that day to finish up on my homework, as i left alot undone due to the preparation of the calculus test and the general reading on Aus. 30 articles! (albeit they are not as boring as msian history, no offense) To my surprise, the silent monkey (if you know who i mean) was unexpectedly hyperactive that day, maybe in an induced state of hysteria. He/she (classified) kept on disturbing others and constantly laughed and smiled without any reason. I have not seen him/her like this in a long long time but well, calculus test is over so who wouldn't be happy?
Night time, i watched Fast and Furious which a HUGE gang of ppl (11). To be honest, i wouldn't give a high rating to this movie, but it is certainly entertaining, probably a panacea for my tired mind. This sequel (or prequel) to Tokyo Drift is not your average racing-only movie as there is a main plot behind all those racing, though i have to admit the car racing scenes were exciting. After the movie, some of us went to mamak and then later went back home to call it a day.
Then comes calculus test. As i was walking with Mr Lee to the classroom, i asked him how would the students fare in this test. He replied "Ok (as in his usual "OK"), maybe the average would be around 70." So i assumed the test to be tough, but it turned out to be easier than expected (not to boast or anything), as initially i thought Mr Lee would have set the test to par with the difficulty of the TEE exams standard. HOWEVER, i realised i made careless mistakeS not long after the test was over.
I stayed back in college that day to finish up on my homework, as i left alot undone due to the preparation of the calculus test and the general reading on Aus. 30 articles! (albeit they are not as boring as msian history, no offense) To my surprise, the silent monkey (if you know who i mean) was unexpectedly hyperactive that day, maybe in an induced state of hysteria. He/she (classified) kept on disturbing others and constantly laughed and smiled without any reason. I have not seen him/her like this in a long long time but well, calculus test is over so who wouldn't be happy?
Night time, i watched Fast and Furious which a HUGE gang of ppl (11). To be honest, i wouldn't give a high rating to this movie, but it is certainly entertaining, probably a panacea for my tired mind. This sequel (or prequel) to Tokyo Drift is not your average racing-only movie as there is a main plot behind all those racing, though i have to admit the car racing scenes were exciting. After the movie, some of us went to mamak and then later went back home to call it a day.
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